Missing Adventures: Lunchtime
by Imipak
Summary: A short story that explains all you will... ever... want to know about the mystery meat. Please note, the author does NOT condone anything in this story. Except stopwatches and talking mole rats. Those are fine.


Scene 1: Middleton High, locker area.

Kim and Ron walked in. Nothing much unusual about that. Nor was the soot in Ron's hair or the fact that a few minutes earlier, they'd parachuted in from a military transport plane. Almost nothing could shock the students or staff when it came to Kim and Ron. Almost.

"Hey!" Ron shouted. "We're back in time for lunch!"

A squeaky, cheerful voice called out from an inside pocket. "Lunch! Yum!"

"Is there anything you think about, besides food?" Kim asked wearily.

"Yes. Cartoons, girls and Rufus here!"

Kim rolled her eyes. If Ron actually had any libido, she'd have lost her position as cheerleader captain the moment anything showed. As it was, the only thing she had to show for her relationship was near-infinite patience. Well, and the friendship. To be honest, she valued it very highly, more than he did, but she rather hoped she could get a real boyfriend soon. Then she could ignore the blather and his annoying refusal to see her as female.

Ron, ignoring Kim's reaction, was gazing in a way he thought probably looked lustful at some girls in swimsuits going outside. In reality, he looked more like someone had stepped on his toes then jabbed his right ear with a curling iron. The girls ignored him.

Kim grabbed him by the arm and dragged him towards the dining hall. "C'mon!" she scowled under her breath.

Scene 2: Dining Hall

The hall was still half-full and there was still food being served. The mystery meat was the only food not touched by anyone else. Even the dinner lady had a hazmat suit. They took what they could plus a helping of mystery meat. They weren't given an option. The scientists with safety goggles making notes didn't help their confidence any.

After dinner, neither felt great. Kim staggered to her feet first. "What was wrong with the mystery meat?" she muttered. She tried to grab her kimmunicator but missed and stumbled into Ron instead.

Ron didn't notice. He was far too busy looking at her chest, trying to figure out if those pointy bits had always been there. The scientists made further notes.

There was a Bonnie-like giggle from nearby. A large football player shape fell on top of where the giggle came from.

Kim was beginning to sweat. To make things more comfortable, she quickly ditched her uniform. Ron's eyes doubled in size, especially after her underthings went with them. Kim turned towards him, but her pupils were now saucerplates and her breathing was fast.

As she grabbed Ron and pulled him to her. A scientist clicked a stopwatch. She kissed him passionately, with hunger. A note was made in a chart. She tossed him onto a table and ripped at his clothes. More notes were made.

She finally had him. He had no hope of escape, but his body gave every sign that escape wasn't desired, she was.

Suddenly, the state wore off. Kim, Ron and all the other teens in the room felt intense nausia, a headache from hell and a dry mouth. The chief scientist clicked the stopwatch a final time. "Meat number 3,119,172 shows promise. Dr van Snoot, check to make sure the boys that left earlier have reverted to their normal shapes and have suitable clothing."

Kim nearly fell off the table. Dragging herself over, she confronted the scientists as best she could in her current state. "What...?"

"Miss Possible, you have asked us this every lunch time so we know your question by heart. The so-called mystery meat shipped to the nation's schools is genetically-engineered food, grown in a laboratory. Different formulations are intended to produce different effects, mostly at the request of corporations that help sponsor the work. Today's two mystery meat batches were produced in collaboration with a well-known porn producer. We use schools because nothing else is legal and nobody will notice your memories are vague. Talking of which, your memory will vanish in five... four... three... two... one..."

Scene 3: Locker Area

Kim and Ron rushed in, having properly disposed of their parachutes. A group of boys, part of the school chess team, headed outside looking oddly puzzled.

Ron was the first to react. "Awww! We missed lunch! Again!"

Kim looked sideways at him. "You're always thinking of food. Besides, I don't feel hungry."

Ron stopped. "I always... I don't feel hungry either. Rufus! Something strange is going on!"

Rufus glanced out of a pocket. "Uhnhun."

Ron stopped again. "Was I wearing this shirt earlier?"

Kim sighed. Recently, Ron was having bursts of paranoia about mechanical stopwatches, his shirt and relationships. He'd get over it, she knew.

On the other hand, just about this time of day, she'd have a real craving for roughly tenderized steak. She couldn't quite figure out why. Steak, ok, but what had steak ever done to deserve brutality?

Ron eyed up some cheerleaders at a distance. Kim's fists clenched. If she didn't love him so damn much, she might consider tenderising him, she thought. Should their physical relationship go further than one dinner a week into something serious serious, there will be no mercy until he is as serious as she. That sounded fair to her.

Scene 4: Laboratory

"Are you sure about these results?"

"They're checked and rechecked. A trace of 3,119,172 will stay in the spinal column."

"Can it reactivate in the recipient's mind?"

"Under very specific conditions. If a person was under extreme stress, alien invasion sort of extreme, and they had witnessed something paranormal like those alleged mystical monkey powers that English Lord went on about, and something bizarre happened, like an evil, diabolical mastermind winning the Nobel Peace Prize, then yes, that would cause the mutated amino acids to resurface and turn the person into a ravaging sex maniac. But, sir, that IS very improbable."


End file.
